Children's songs for Dark Wizards
by Indigo Ziona
Summary: A collection of filks about Death Eaters, Voldemort etc to the tunes of some of my favourite children's songs.
1. Voldemort's Resurrected

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Disclaimer: 'Teddy Bear's Picnic' was written by John W. Bratton and James B. Kennedy, and this song is based on JK Rowling's book The Goblet of Fire. In case you thought I'd just made it up, that is. Also apologies to any readers of Albus Dumbledore's Inbox_, I'm just mildly afraid that the new chapter, when I upload it, won't be worth the wait :-( Anyway, sit back and enjoy 'Voldemort's Resurrected'. I plan to do lots more silly filk songs to children's tunes, but be patient..._

You can read the lyrics to the original 'Teddy Bear's Picnic' on http://members.tripod.com/~sunbear_2/ 

The music to this can be found on http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/3056/teddy.html. Be warned, it is seriously annoying!

If you go out in the woods today  
You're sure of a big surprise.  
If you go out in the woods today  
You'd better go in disguise.  
For Wormtail's there with the Dark Lord, and worse  
Cedric was killed with the killing curse  
Today's the day that Voldemort's resurrected.

Party time for Death Eaters,  
Those Evil Death Eaters are having a lovely time today.  
But You-Know-Who and his _Crucio  
_Are making quite a painful holiday.  
See them swiftly Apparate,  
They don't dare be late,  
They're right at their master's side.  
How nice to torture Mudbloods and Muggles  
The Dark Mark overhead!  
(But Snape's committing suicide)

If you go out in the woods today,  
You'd better not go alone.  
The Dark Mark's out in the woods today,  
So safer to stay at home.  
Into the cauldron - flesh, blood and bone  
All Wormtail does is weep and moan  
Today's the day that Voldemort's resurrected.

Every Death Eater tries hard  
To please their lord as they can  
The Lestranges are in favour though  
They're locked up in Azkaban  
They'll all bow down, kiss Voldemort's hem  
But he's not really so pleased with them  
Today's the day that Voldemort's resurrected.

---


	2. Most Wizards Like to Travel By Floo

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To the tune of 'The Animals went in two by two', and I have no idea who that is by, so never mind... And yes, I know I only just posted 'Voldemort's Resurrected', but I think I'm following a similar pattern to Albus Dumbledore's Inbox_. Which I will update, I promise :-)_

'Most Wizards like to travel by Floo'

Most wizards like to travel by Floo  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Most wizards like to travel by Floo  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Most wizards like to travel by Floo  
They throw in the powder, the flames turn blue  
And they jump right into the fire,  
To wherever they want to go.

Muggles prefer to use the door  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Muggles prefer to use the door  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Muggles prefer to use the door  
Which they lock with a key and not much more  
_Alohomora_'s a mystery to them,  
They just don't want to know.

Quidditch players use broomsticks  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Quidditch players use broomsticks  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Quidditch players use broomsticks  
The _Wronski Feint_ and other good tricks,  
Firebolts are really the best  
If you want to fly that low.

Death Eaters always Apparate  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Death Eaters always Apparate  
Hurrah! Hurrah!  
Death Eaters always Apparate  
To Voldemort's side they're going straight  
And find some Muggles  
To inflict with a _Crucio._


	3. Peter the Death Eater

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Disclaimer: I didn't write 'Nellie the Elephant', although I sincerely wish I did. The Toy Dolls performed the MP3 I just downloaded. JKR owns the rest.

I promoted Peter Pettigrew from his current rank of 'Selfish, disloyal betrayer of James and Lily Potter and whining cowering servant of Voldemort' to 'Death Eater'. Mainly because 'Peter the selfish, disloyal betrayer of James and Lily Potter and whining cowering servant of Voldemort' does not scan to 'Nellie the Elephant.'

The words to this fine song can be found on http://www.nellies.jp/about_us/about_us_whynellies_e.html for example. And the music can be found on http://www.ebeaver.org/~mp3/toy%20dolls/Dig_That_Groove_Baby/07_Nellie_The_Elephant.mp3

Sit back and enjoy... 

'Peter the Death Eater'

To Hogwarts  
Prongs, Padfoot and Moony came  
Tagging behind was young Pettigrew  
(And Wormtail was his name)  
One dark night  
He left James and his kid  
Then off he flew to You-Know-Who  
And told him where they hid 

Peter the Death Eater left his friends  
And went to work for the Dark Lord  
Off he went with a squeakety-squeak  
Squeak, squeak, squeak  
Peter the Death Eater, little rat  
Was scared of his comeuppance  
Off he went with a squeakety-squeak  
Squeak, squeak, squeak

Sirius Black  
Is now out of Azkaban  
Wormtail's the rat that's on the run  
So catch him if you can  
That black dog  
Is far worse than any cat  
He wants to eat some nice fresh meat  
And has a taste for rat...

Lord Voldemort is calling  
Far, far away  
(And venom to take from a vicious snake  
Seems safer any day)  
So Peter the Death Eater scurried off  
He's a really accomplished coward  
Off he went with a squeakety-squeak  
Squeak, squeak, squeak.

***

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Thank you, kind reviewers. Kaylin (My mum says Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' is pretty good for getting songs out of your head, but it's best if you sing it all the way through :) Hehehe, I am touched to be instrumental in annoying people), Setsuri (rhyming? I usually sit there and go through all the letters of the alphabet if I'm really stuck :) Indigo, Bindigo, Cindigo...), Gina Starr (the original version, although I seriously suspect they would have preferred my version!), Odd World (hehehe... glad you liked it and I'm so embarrassed about the time I've abandoned ADI for, I must get on with it! :) ), thephantomreviewer (my first ever flame! *hugs you insanely* thank you... thank you... *Sobs with joy*), Admoral Albia (thanks for your review, honey, *grrs at FFN* I'll check out your site!). 


	4. Oh my Dark Lord

_A/N – I've also written a filk called 'Prankster's Paradise' about Fred and George if you want to read it some more. Disclaimer - I did not write 'Oh my Darling Clementine'. What a pity._

**Oh my Dark Lord**

Armando Dippet was Head of Hogwarts  
A young orphan boy was there  
As we all know, Tom Marvolo  
Was Great Slytherin's heir

_Oh my Dark Lord, Oh my Dark Lord  
Oh my Dark Lord Voldemort  
You are lost and gone forever  
Dreadful sorry Voldemort_

He set a monster from a chamber  
On a Mudblood in the loos  
Said a giant, uncompliant  
Had set a spider on the loose

_Oh my Dark Lord…_

Arranged the letters, name was better  
For a Master of Dark Arts  
He came to meet us, the Death Eaters,  
Saw ambition in our hearts

_Oh my Dark Lord…_

Came the hour, he rose to power  
Killed a Muggle every day  
But James Potter, little rotter,  
Was standing in his way  


_Oh my Dark Lord…_

To kill Potter and his toddler  
Voldemort went to attack  
But then bouncing off the baby  
That dread curse came hurtling back

_Oh my Dark Lord, Oh my Dark Lord  
Oh my Dark Lord Voldemort  
You are lost and gone forever  
Dreadful sorry Voldemort_

So we cried and so we lied and  
So escaped from Azkaban  
So we got out – so forgot about  
Our Dark Lord's great plan.

_Oh my Dark Lord, Oh my Dark Lord  
Oh my Dark Lord Voldemort  
Have you really gone forever?  
Don't return, O Voldemort_

So the years passed and so we last  
Never giving him a thought  
But in a cauldron in a graveyard  
Rose again Lord Voldemort

_Oh my Dark Lord, Oh my Dark Lord  
Oh my Dark Lord Voldemort  
You are back to stay forever  
So we serve you Voldemort_

So we cower to his power  
So we beg him for our lives  
So we wish that we were back with  
Our nice henpecking wives

_Oh my Dark Lord, Oh my Dark Lord  
Oh my Dark Lord Voldemort  
You are back to stay forever  
So we serve you Voldemort_

But we're back to having parties  
Every time a Mudblood dies  
So we cavort with our Voldemort  
With the Dark Mark in the skies

_Oh my Dark Lord, Oh my Dark Lord  
Oh my Dark Lord Voldemort  
We'll stick by you forever (this time)  
Oh my Dark Lord Voldemort._

***

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far :-).

**K. Ashley** - glad you liked them! 

**chicken and nibbles** - It's a shame you don't know Nellie the Elephant, 'tis a great song. Glad to hear you sang along :D

**Nytd** - aah, Teddy Bear's Picnic. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was written by Death Eaters in the first place.

**Odd World** - thanks for your reviews :-). Thus far you're the only person to review Chapter 12 of HFHE, go you! :-) I don't really know O Canada… The only National Anthem I know is God Save the Queen… 

**Admiral Albia** - hi hun. Aaah, Nellie the Elephant rocks socks.

**Pink Magic Marker** - wow, cool name! *grins* thanks. 

**callas-and-ivy** - *smile* thanks for a really nice review

**Slytherin's Silver Snake** - Quirrel? Ooh, good idea if I can find a suitable song…

**Rupert rocks my socks** - I'm working on the next chapter of ADI, I promise, and I won't let it take me as long to update this time!

**UnrepentantReader** - thanks a lot :)

**houdinishideaway** - you don't seem impressed! Thanks for taking the time to read it anyway.


	5. The Cruel Death Eater

_Hello again. Discovering the lyrics to 'The Ugly Duckling' at  h t t p: / / angelfire. com / film / dannykaye / UglyDuckling. htm (remove spaces) prompted me to write another one of these. I can't find the tune and I haven't heard it in years so apologies if it doesn't quite scan._

_Danny Kaye sang 'The Ugly Duckling'. I'm not sure who wrote it. It's quite a cute song. If you can find the music, or if you know it, sing it to the kids, it's sweet. There's a clip (the first verse) under 'Hans Christian Anderson' here – h t t p: / / reelclassics. com / Gallery / music3. htm (remove spaces)_

**The Cruel Death Eater (Or Snape the Ugly Duckling)**

There once was a Hogwarts student  
Who liked to show all he knew  
But this annoys less talented boys  
Who said: "We don't like you  
O Snape, we don't  
O Snape, we don't  
No Snape, we don't like you."  
And they tricked him to the willow with a great werewolf  
And proved that it was true.

He became a cruel Death Eater  
Who did almost every curse  
And all his victims said before they dropped dead  
"You, Snape, you are the worst!  
O Snape, you are  
O Snape, you are  
Yes Snape, you are the worst!"  
Yet no other Death Eaters did decide to betray  
But Snape became the first

Going back to Hogwarts: he went there straight away  
Ashamed to show his face, afraid of what others might say  
To his headmaster, the great Albus Dumbledore  
Who looked so very sad, but then soon he agreed  
"You'll be such a fine spy indeed"  
"A spy? Me, a spy? Oh, but why?"  
And he said, "Yes, you're a spy.  
Why don't you try to trick Voldemort and you'll see"  
And he tried, and he saw, and he said,  
"I am a spy! Wheeeeeeee!"

"I'm now not a cruel Death Eater  
Can you believe that it's true?  
For in fact all the while, my fangirls would smile  
And say, 'We all love you.  
O Snape, we do  
O Snape, we do.'  
Not a poison, not a curse, no one says I'm the worst  
And I'm doing fine (till one more guilty outburst)  
And I'm one sneaky spy!  
Say who's an cruel Death Eater?   
Not I!"

_(Voldemort arrives and glares at him)_

"Er… Hail the Dark Lord."

_Did you like that? I hope you did. I thought this next one up in the shower this morning, to the tune of 'Frere Jacques', 'Brother John' or 'I hear thunder.' Or what ever that song was called._

**The Life and Times of a Servant of the Dark Lord (Or 'One Death Eater')**

One Death Eater  
One Death Eater  
Crucio  
Crucio  
Avada Kedavra  
Avada Kedavra  
Azkaban  
Azkaban

_I hope that won't be in your head all day because it'll certainly be in mine._

Thanks to my reviewers.

**Blackrose** - *smile* I wrote a filk to the tune of 'Sergeant Pepper' the other week about the discovery of the structure of DNA... Then I went and helped out on a DNA workshop and had it in my head all afternoon :)

**AgiVega** - I'm glad you like them. I just liked the idea of writing all the songs I used to sing as a kid with lyrics about Death Eaters. Plus they're so amusing :)

Please review folks.


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